回忆与想念

回忆并不代表想念- 不同的国家，不同的舞台，不同的同伴， 唯一一样的就是台上的人， 演出带来的HIGH

回忆起两年前看过那场一样的表演者的演唱会， 并不会想念同行的人，只会回忆起当时的点点滴滴...

the same performers, a different stage, a different country, different company, a slightly different act, but equally HIGH if not more so.....

while it brings back memories from 2 years ago at that concert, reminiscing about the past doesn't mean i miss the past, it's just a matter of fact feeling of... that was the past.....

it's rather.. saddening actually... that it came to this... but hey... who really cares anymore right?

all i can say is.......... MAYDAY IS GOOOOD!!!!!!!! MABS.......... NEXT TINE THEY COME WE MUST WATCH AGAIN K!!!!!! :D

Definitely maybe... let's start from here

on a whim.. the tablematey and i caught Definitely Maybe on friday after work.. yes the two crazy girls who were dead tired from work but still hyper enough to not want to go home and watch a midnight movie....

and it was surprisingly good..... and once again i realised... i'm a sucker for story lines to do with second chances.... which brings me to my new favourite song which i've been "forcing" everyone to listen to today heeheee

"standing here face to face/a finger on your lips/ don't say a word don't make a sound/ silence surrounds us now/ even when you were gone/ i felt you everywhere/let's start from here/lose the past/change our minds/we don't need a finish line/ let's take this chance/ don't think too deep/ of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep"

mmmm.... heh

anyways tablematey...... don't be pissed.... she's not worth it.. really!!! and i'll always be 5cm away to hear you rant heh :P erm.. if not you can stc me or call my ext or skype me or........... i'll run from wherever i'm sitting to wherever you are sitting (after 2nd june)!!!!! for now.. i'm still 5cm away heh

*hugs* *muacks* *loves*

i have pretty french manicured nails...

it was a strangely crazy day where i felt very detached from my surroundings and utterly restless and unfocused

M and i "sneaked" out for a short snack break today and bumped into BIG PEOPLE which made the both of us go hysterical enough to walk down the stairs in a bid to hide from the BIG PEOPLE heh but we lasted all of ONE FLOOR before we went to get a lift down the next 28 floors... and i think that was the only point in time i felt.. alive and real... laughing so hard i wanted to cry... haven't felt like that in a long while

"i want/like to see myself happy and cheery too"...

"you're lost.. cos you no longer know who you are and you dunno who you want to be"

maybe....

in any case... thanks G and M for that very cute stuffed toy rabbit (that stares at me!!!! SO SCARY heh:P)

thank you G, M and annika.. for keeping me sane and affording me my short snatches of sheer unadulterated happiness (ok more hilarity heh.. but it works :D)

life in general

i've let go.. i can feel it... and i've felt it for the longest time.. even though it might not seem obvious or apparent to others .. but i have... what's left is this sense of awkwardness and unease that i inadvertantly will make life for the pple ard us difficult.. just cos.. and the whole issue and the person is better out of my life than in any peripheral part of it... because it makes life simpler... no issues of guilt or what's right or wrong.. which means mutual avoidance etc etc....but it also means...... i like to pretend it never existed... any of it... so i'm sorry for any inconvenience caused heh

sigh... tired of all the things in life, tired of working... i rather be back in school... for some strange inexplicable reason.....

i'm just sian.....

i'm not unhappy... i just don't think i'm very happy either

for the first time in my life.. i'm struggling to want to be something i've always wanted to be.... i hate that feeling.. and i think i've lost the fight anyways

and i'm sorry i've been defeated... but right now being defeated feels.... more correct than winning this particular battle

beijing

for some strange and unfathomable reason.. i'm missing beijing... missing the place that somehow strangely grew on me and made me fall in love with it somewhat... without even realising it....

i miss the food, my korean takeaways, my yang rou chuans, my strawberries and strawberry tarts, my beijing kao ya (roast duck)...kang shi fu biscuits!!!

the familiar streets, the road to beida, to tsinghua, to my apartment

the buildings i see when i look out from the balcony

sculpting in time (which is no longer there), the massages, wu dao kou

the road to arthur's place, to BIFC

cookies' room. my room. the kitchen with that one spot where the chairs were left because it was so dirty and hard to clean we gave up on it....

the cold, the wind, the sandstorms i never realised were in existence... the snow in april

tour le jou (forgot how it's spelt heh), yishin, ya wang ....

it's like.... i've been so busy and entangled in so many things the past 2 years, and now when i have time to think about possibly travelling, i find myself wanting to go back to beijing... to visit my favourite haunts, to shop at my favourite places, to eat the food i miss... to veg out with cookies.... heh

i'll be back beijing heh